Fallacies
by TheRantDragon
Summary: Wally faces the ultimate challenge at M'gann's spur-of-the-moment Team Slumber Party: a round of "too hot" with Artemis. Fic collab with TheRantDragon and Satellites on Parade!


**RantDragon's Notes**: I am no longer a collaboration virgin! Hooray and Spitfire lip-locking everywhere!

**Satellites' Notes**: Everything is makeouts and nothing hurts.

**Disclaimer: **We claim no ownership to or affiliation with_ Young Justice _or any aspect thereof.

o.o.o.o

M'gann is so excited she can barely keep her ebullient thoughts to herself. When Karen and Wendy had been excitedly discussing slumber parties during practice, it had taken all of her self-restraint to keep from racing back to the Cave at full speed. After all, slumber parties had been one of the first things she had learned about during her viewings of Earth television; how could she have forgotten to host one for the Team? (Kaldur will be so proud of her! Team building! This is team building!)

Unfortunately, the vast majority of her teammates do not share her enthusiasm, save for Robin. She's grateful that at least _one_ of her friends is going to enjoy the evening, but she doesn't realize the true root of his eagerness until he mentions a game having something to do with the spinning of a bottle. She hasn't fully grasped the delight in the Boy Wonder's cackles until they're all crowded in a circle and everyone is looking extremely uncomfortable, particularly Kaldur.

"So, how is this game played, Robin?" M'gann asks with effervescent excitement, beaming. Robin is stifling his giggles behind one hand.

"Well, you, uh, spin the bottle around – like so..." He demonstrates, flicking the neck of the bottle with one finger until it begins turning. "...and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss."

M'gann gasps with fervent bewilderment, amazed at the peculiarity of this exercise. She thinks for a moment that, in Kaldur's pinched temples, she hears chanting echoes of,_ team building, team building, team building..._

Wally's waggling his eyebrows suggestively across the circle, straight at M'gann, for some odd reason. Artemis's eye roll is completely lost on him.

"I'll go first, green-cheeks! Show you how it's done." With absolute confidence, the speedster grabs the empty plastic Coca-Cola bottle between his thumb and forefinger and gives it a casual flick, sending it spinning absurdly fast in a neat little circle.

Artemis raises her eyebrow at it, looking unimpressed as it whirls around in a blur.

"You and that bottle have a lot in common, Wall-man," she snips. "Fast _and_ mindless."

"Do me a favor and don't ruin everything for once," Wally retorts. He raises his chin to grin lecherously at her. "You're just jealous because it's not going to land on y—"

The last vestige of his sentence fizzles completely as the bottle finally rolls to a decisive halt, the neck of it pointing the way to Artemis's knees.

"—_ouuuu_," Wally blubbers, putting his head in his hands. "Can I get a re-roll?"

Robin is shaking his head and falling over with laughter, clutching his stomach.

"No way, man!" he guffaws. "Go on, show us _how it's done_!"

"Oh, _wonderful_," Artemis groans, sending a glare M'gann's way. "I guess if you've been trying to come up with ways to kill me, this is a good start."

The nauseous green tone of Wally's face contrasts his red hair starkly as he grimaces up at her. Superboy is glowering at the floor.

"We don't have to _watch_, do we?" he mumbles, sounding like a second-grader discussing cooties.

"Oh, no," M'gann exclaims with a smile. "We need to give them some privacy!"

"We don't need any privacy!" Wally blurts out angrily, then realizes what he's just said. "B-Because we aren't even going to do anything in the first place! Isn't this a violation of the Geneva Convention?"

Robin snorts. "Not unless you're a victim of war."

"She's a one-woman war in and of herself, dude!" Wally exclaims, gesticulating furiously at Artemis.

"I'm glad you understand how much I love it when people talk about me like I'm not here," Artemis drawls. Wally makes a face.

"I _wish _you weren't here."

"Can't always get what you want, Kid Idiot."

"Enough," Kaldur interjects firmly, still looking inordinately tried for patience. "Let us get this out of the way and move on."

"Easy for you to say. You don't have to kiss a harpy!" Wally grumbles, crossing his limbs and making it a point to avoid the archer's general direction. M'gann feels a bit put-out that her slumber party isn't going as swimmingly as she'd imagined. She's about to apologize to her two highly disgruntled friends for causing them stress, when Robin butts in.

"I have an idea," he says gleefully.

"Oh, no," Wally whimpers. "Not another idea."

"You guys can do 'too hot,'" the Boy Wonder manages to eke out through his snickers. Wally and Artemis' faces go respectively blanched, but M'gann blinks in confusion.

"What is... too hot?" she asks. "It sounds painful."

"Oh, it'll be painful, all right," Wally mutters, but she doesn't hear him.

"Oh, it's_ easy_, Megs." Robin draws out the word _easy_. "See, all they have to do is kiss each other without stopping or touching."

"Without stopping?" M'gann's brow furrows. Wally lets out a strangled cry and falls backwards, spread-eagled on the floor. "How is that... possible?"

"Well, once they touch, it's over. They lose." Robin's eyes are glinting behind his sunglasses. "And I mean, knowing _these_ two, we'll only have to wait... ooh, I don't know, two seconds at best?"

"I wouldn't touch her if she was a hamburger!" Wally shouts indignantly.

"Oh, that's classy, _Flash Boy_. I wouldn't touch you if you were the last arrow in my quiver."

"Enough superlatives," Robin cuts in dramatically, waving his hand impatiently. "You guys go into the other room and come back when you've struck out. We'll be waiting," he adds with a pointed leer.

"_No_!" Wally starts to squawk at exactly the same time Artemis heaves herself to her feet and groans, "_ugh_, fine, Boy Blunder, if it'll get you to shut up."

"What?" Wally exclaims as she strides forward and grabs him by the ear, yanking him up. "_Hey_! Not the ear! That ear is off-limits!"

"Grow a pair, Wally. Come on." She is already dragging him out of the room, and he stumbles, wrestling away from her. In a quiet hiss, she tells him, "Look, we'll just stand in there for a couple of seconds and then leave."

This calms him enough that he allows his muscles to loosen and trails in her wake into the kitchen, glancing furtively over his shoulder to make sure that Robin isn't creeping around after them.

o.o.o.o

The kitchen isn't a place Wally usually associates with inconvenience, but now that he's standing here awkwardly with Artemis, he's pretty sure he'd rather be anywhere else. He sighs as the seconds tick by. His stomach starts to growl at the memory of all the delicious snacks M'gann had promised them after Spin the Bottle.

"Welp, that's enough hot kissing action for me!" he vociferates loudly, once the thought of food becomes too overwhelming.

"Wait!" Artemis growls, catching his arm before he can march off down the hall. "It hasn't even been a minute!"

"So? You said, and I quote 'we'll just stand in there for a couple of seconds and then leave,'" he recites in an overly exaggerated, husky feminine voice, making air quotes.

"_So_, I didn't think of it til just now. We're supposed to be playing 'too hot.' If we go back in there now they'll think we couldn't keep our hands off of each other."

They both make faces of distaste at the very thought.

"Good catch; wouldn't want Robin getting any ideas," Wally agrees. He puffs out air and falls against the cold wall behind them, imaging he's back at home and can smell the savory scents of his mother cooking dinner. A nice big dinner. One with piping hot steak, and mashed potatoes, and peas (they weren't his favorite, but food was food!) and...

He's pulled out of _that _scrumptious reverie when Artemis kindly points out that he's drooling on himself. He shoots her a scowl and wipes off his lower lip in embarrassment. She snorts.

"Good thing we _don't _have to kiss, Kid Slobber Box. You'd probably drown me."

His hackles raise at that _utterly untrue_ statement.

"Hey! I do _not _drool when I kiss! For your information, blondie, I'm a _great _kisser. Just ask the ladies."

Artemis lets out a burst of raucous laughter.

"What ladies, the ones in your head?"

His eyes flash.

"More like the ones in my bed!"

That does it. Now she's absolutely howling with uncontained mirth. He goes into a stony silence as his ears flush, and he has to admit to himself that maybe that last line _was _a bit over the top... okay, _really _over the top. But he just couldn't help himself; all he'd been concerned with was sniping back at his mortal frenemy.

"I _don't _drool when I kiss..." Wally grouses, pride stung at the archer's continued bout of giggles. She straightens up, wiping at her eyes as she addresses him through the last hiccups of laughter.

"So prove it!"

His body goes rigid. The room is so quiet that he can hear a faint buzzing noise, and he chances a sideways glance at Artemis only to find her doing the same, eyes narrowed.

Without a word, they turn towards each other, and Wally wonders just what the heck happened between this moment and the moment back at the Spin the Bottle circle, when they'd both made a great deal about how much they didn't want to touch each other, let alone swap spit. He feels his fists clenching at his sides as he takes a step closer, searching for some excuse to this lapse in sanity. Wherever it is, it is distinctly impossible to find.

Artemis' rain-stained eyes are fixated on him like pins, her dark brows furrowed, her normally swollen lips thin with concentration. He gulps, and his Adam's apple feels inexplicably cumbersome, a stagnant stone lurking in his throat.

Her visage of dutiful attentiveness soon unravels into a sheer, unimpressed glower, and she folds her arms.

"Pretty sure we're on a time limit here, Wally," she snaps indignantly, tapping one leather boot on the floor rhythmically. He is frowning at her skeptically.

"But like," he mutters suspiciously, "what if you've put – poison on your lips, or something? What if this is all part of a plot to assassinate me? To deprive the world of my charms?"

Artemis snorts so audibly that it bounces against the walls.

"I'd be doing everyone a favor. But sadly, no, I didn't think that far ahead."

He struggles to come up with some other villainous plot she could be attempting to pull on him, _anything _to put the brakes on this whole asinine situation. How did he even get himself into this mess in the first place? Oh, right; M'gann. _Slumber party_. Those three words combined were enough to get him excited in more ways than one, so of course he'd accepted.

Now look where it'd landed him.

In the kitchen, about to kiss the biggest pain in his backside, all for the sake of pride (and a stupid game of Spin the Bottle. And Robin, the Troll Wonder. And an insatiable, juvenile desire to lock lips with Green Cheeks.)

"...fine," Wally blurts out a bit more loudly than is considered normal. Artemis folds her lips, and whether it is from apprehensiveness or a tactic to conceal laughter is unclear. "But you'd better not be a dead fish. And I hope you brushed your teeth. And—"

"Oh, for the love of..." Artemis groans, tossing her head back before grabbing him by either side of his overshirt and yanking herself up toward him, snatching his lips in hers without a moment's notice. Wally squawks into her mouth and it echos against her immaculate teeth. Her eyes are closed tightly, like a nervous grade-schooler's (or a disgusted janitor's), and her hands are tightening around the burgundy fabric gathered in them as she pushes against him. He stumbles back slightly, but she doesn't detach from him.

"Aaaffggghhh." The noise coming out of his mouth right now is absurdly appropriate for the situation. _Doesn't this count as touching? _he thinks dimly, sending a terrified glance to her fisted fingers. _Or – no. It's my shirt. It's my—_

She loosens her grip on him, and her face grows less tightened, and as he finally manages to scramble out of catatonia and move his lips against hers, her eyelashes flutter fleetingly and she hums contentedly against him.

She _really_ shouldn't sound that nice.

Something about this setting feels..._right_, and before his muddled mind can register that truly disturbing thought, his own lids are drawing down like curtains over windows, and he's moving his lips more eagerly across hers, and his hands are coming up to cup either side of her face...

_Wait...isn't that touching?_

The two teens pull away from each other abruptly, breathing erratic. Wally rubs at the back of his neck, his face burning like hot coals..

"I...uh..." he struggles for coherency.

What precisely did you say to someone you despised after you inexplicably and willingly sucked their face and..._liked _it?

"That doesn't count."

Well, _that _certainly wasn't the answer he'd been pondering.

"I...what?" he asks stupidly.

Artemis' cheeks appear flushed. _He_, Wally West, had caused that heat to erupt across her features. He's not entirely sure how he feels about this or the strange flutter in his chest, so instead he looks down at her fingers, which are still tightly woven into the fabric of his shirt despite the separation of their lips.

"You touched my face. That doesn't count, we were just...warming up."

He couldn't believe this. Was _Artemis Crock _making an excuse to kiss _Wally West_?

Well, whatever the heck was happening here, _he _certainly wasn't going to question it.

Without a word, the speedster nods in agreement and slowly draws his arms up behind his back. She doesn't even release his shirt as their heads move closer at a snail's pace. This kiss is much different, far from the sporadic episode they'd had moments ago when she'd simply smashed their mouths together in a desperate attempt to get it over with. No, this time it's slow. Their eyes remain locked and open until the last second, the moment their lips press together.

Wally's more than just a bit freaked out by the way his heart jumps into his throat at the gentle pressure of her plump lips beneath his once more. He _can't _be feeling anything, _shouldn't _be feeling anything, but that doesn't stop him from gently backing her into the wall with a low sigh, or stop his arms from aching with the desire to touch her.

_Come on, Wally, this is _Artemis_, bane of your existence. This is just a silly game. You don't _want _to touch her, just don't-_

That kind of positive reinforcement from his brain had been working, that is up until the point in which Artemis decided to place her hands at the base of his neck and tug at the bottom of his lip with her teeth. Those two simple actions sent the blood pounding through his system and suddenly he pressed himself closer to her and found his arms snaking around her waist.

Who cares about a dumb little game? This was...better than some...whatever it was they had been doing. He couldn't even remember anymore.

All he knows is that he and Artemis are making out in the kitchen of Mount Justice, and she is making delightful noises as she curls the tufts of hair at the nape of his neck around her fingers, and he is suddenly tugging at her ponytail holder, has it partway down when she unexpectedly forces her tongue into his mouth. He's jolted by the hungry action, groans in response as he drags his hands up to her face once more.

"Nice _job _at winning this game, Wallace," Artemis interjects infuriatingly. "I guess you just can't contain yourself around me."

She smirks, turning her head up satisfactorily, as if she has just won a blue ribbon. He pouts dangerously at her.

"I wouldn't go _that _far," he retorts half-heartedly.

"Then explain your fixation with these things," she tells him, pointing demonstratively at her cheeks and lips.

"My, uh," he fumbles, "hands. Are cold. Yes."

He pauses. "And my mouth."

Artemis laughs – genuinely laughs, and it's wispy in the back of her throat – before brushing her nose teasingly against his, still grinning smugly.

"Well, I guess I can't leave a guy out in the cold," she murmurs with feigned indifference, and Wally, impatient and admittedly ensnared, takes her lips in his again, groaning as she moves her hands under his shirt and spreads them across the base of his back. Her hair tumbles loosely around his fingers. He meets her tongue with his fervent own and sighs, knowing that this time there'll be no interruptions—

He fails to notice the vertical row of observant heads gathered in the doorway. M'gann's eyes are growing wider by the moment as she views the spectacle occurring in the kitchen. Superboy looks horribly bored by the entire thing, sending vigilant glances at M'gann. Kaldur is clearly uncomfortable, looking askance at any object except for the attached couple in the center of the room. Robin is snorting and making hysterical noises behind his hands, eyes shut tightly with effort at keeping silent. His discipline doesn't last, and very suddenly, he lets out an audible cackle, toppling over backwards and rolling on the floor with laughter.

Wally and Artemis tear themselves apart, staring respectively at each other and then the doorway with horrified expressions.

"I advise that we all flee," Kaldur tells the Team calmly before turning and bustling quickly away. Superboy scoffs and follows him.

M'gann's eyes are glittering as she claps her hands joyfully together.

"Oooh, you looked so lovely! Kissing is so wonderful, isn't it?" she exclaims with ecstasy, giggling behind one hand.

Wally manages to halfway recover.

"I-If you're doing it with the right person, sure, babe," he answers her, cocking an eyebrow lamely at her. Artemis whacks his shoulder. "Ow!"

"Well, I'll leave you to murder Robin in peace," M'gann titters before soaring away after Kaldur and Superboy. Robin is still incapacitated with peals of laughter.

Wally hears a popping sound beside him. He blinks and looks over at Artemis, who is glowering with bloodthirsty rage at Robin, and notices that she is cracking her knuckles.

"Let's just put this on hold for a second," she growls out to Wally, blinking meaningfully at him for an instant before lunging at Robin, who has enough time to scramble to his feet and zip off down the hallway, guffawing all the way.

Wally, grinning, moves into takeoff position before following her, the walls blurring into gray around him, much like they had been when Artemis' lips had consumed his a few moments ago.

_This is a logical fallacy_, he thinks as he runs. Artemis's Amazonian battle cries are growing closer. He realizes very quickly, however, as he screeches to a halt in front of the wrestling forms of Artemis and Robin, that he is a scientist, and logical fallacies are his specialty.


End file.
